STORY #19

APOLOGY

Oh god, i might have been a total screw up with you but you have to understand that i can't give you what you want. I never could and never will. You of all people should understand why because i told you so many times that i can't, i just can't. I would if i could. Even if i forced myself to give you what you want, it won't work. I tried and i was so unhappy and i felt trap. Im sorry, i really am. I wished i could. Maybe you should start thinking futher rather than thinking in a box. Think how hard it is for me or how unhappy i have to be to give you what you want. For the record, i do miss you but im trying to actually start thinking of my happiness because i did sacrifice a lot these psat few years trying to make you happy. I accepted the yelling, the cursing, the hitting, being left alone and literally learn to forget all those things and be the bigger person to make everything okay. Forgetting all those pain is easy for me, i got use to it but it doesn't just go away. From time to time the pain comes back to haunt me. Its too much pain and i can't bare it anymore. You mean the world to me but after all that has happen last year i don't know if i can go through it anymore. That's why i've been distant. It may show that i don't care but i'm actually being careful now. So, i don't care if you want to say f**k you to me or anything because i don't blame you.

IM SO SO SO SO SORRY :(

with love,
airinna